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On July 25th, we posted an article about the first legalized same sex marriages in New York. As part of that article, one particular business, gayweddings.com reported a huge increase in traffic due to the . “A website just for gay weddings?,” we thought. That’s pretty bold! So, we decided to speak with Kathryn and Gretchen Hamm of GayWeddings.com. “To this mother,” says Gretchen, “my gay daughter and my straight son should enjoy the same legal rights as American citizens.”

Though Gretchen founded the business, daughter Kathryn became a very vital part of the brainstorming and creativity process. She was drawn into the world of e-commerce, technology, and more importantly, making a difference for same sex couples. Of course, Gretchen was thrilled. “Doing what I do, and sharing it with my daughter is a great privilege.”

Both Gretchen and Kathryn offered us a great deal of their time to answer some questions about gayweddings.com:

Bold Magazine: Kathryn, We’ve read a bit on your site. But, please walk us through the history of gayweddings.com from your “armchair.”  

Kathryn Hamm: My mom founded our company back in 1999 when she couldn’t find any fun wedding items for my wedding to my partner. So, in short, she founded our original boutiques, TwoBrides.com & TwoGrooms.com.

BM: Why did you decide on that URL and not the original ones?

Kathryn Hamm of www.gayweddings.com

KH: In the early aughts, we had become friendly with KC David, the owner of the domain, GayWeddings.com. Through the course of our friendship, and the like-minded passion that he and my mom shared, we decided that it was an appropriate time for us to acquire gayweddings.com. We were thrilled to do so and spent some time sorting out our options around re-branding. From a marketing standpoint, this has been an important business decision for us but I will admit that, at times, my family, friends and I do refer to the business as “TwoBrides” for short. We have a lot of sentimental attachment to our original sites and business names and, as you can see, our original sites are still up online!

BM: What made you decide to join your mother in the business, Kathryn? 

KH: I had always helped my mom with the business on the side. She used me as a sounding board and I helped to write some of the original site content. At the time, I had worked in education as a counselor and school administrator and then, back in ’02, left my school job and began working for the WUSA, the women’s professional soccer league. I had a blast, but the league folded so I took some time off and, that year, started to help my mom a bit with the business again. One thing led to another and I became a full partner in the business in ’05 and began managing the day to day operations.

BM: Lots of women run businesses they are passionate about. But, because your target market hits so close to home, how does that impact your work? Your life? 

KH: That’s a great question. My work matters to me because I’m working with people whose shoes I’ve walked in. But, I live in Virginia so, though my partner and I considered ourselves “married” in all of the ways that matter spiritually and emotionally, we are not yet legally married. We’re waiting until same-sex marriage is legalized in VA, or at the federal level. Whichever comes first. Or in the event that we move to a state where marriage is legal. So, I know that every time I’m on the phone supporting one more person in embracing same-sex marriage and understanding its importance, I’m helping to move the needle in a way which, one day, will help me check that one final box on my relationship “to do” list!

BM: We can only assume that your daughter Kathryn was part of the motivation in creating this business, Gretchen. But, can you tell us how it all came about? 

Gretchen Hamm: Kathryn and her partner had everything to do with my starting this business.  I was lamenting to a friend of The Brides at their wedding shower in 1999 that I could not find a memory book and other products for a same sex couple.  I was sure that that had already been invented and done.  Yet it had not.  Couple this discovery with the timing of being in the early days of the dot com frenzy in ’99.  When this friend suggested I start TwoBrides.com, I said,  ”I will!” and I did, along with TwoGrooms.com.  The timing of this with my same sex market was way ahead of most couples making plans for their ceremonies and unions.  Finding products was another challenge.

BM: Since you’ve started the business, what have the the biggest challenges been? 

GH: The biggest challenge was starting a new business that no one had ever thought of in a new industry of retail shopping on the Internet. I cannot even begin to tell you the difference between 1999 and 2011.  It was the biggest learning curve that I have ever undertaken.

BM: What has been the most rewarding?

GH: The rewards of having started this business are tremendous.  I did not realize that taking a public step as I did on behalf of my daughter and “daughter-in-law” would mean so much to them, to their (and my) friends, and to countless same sex couples everywhere.  It did not seem unusual to me to take this step.  I have received way more than I have given.

Knowing that couples have been relieved to find us from the beginning to make planning for their day less stressful and more special has meant a lot to to me.  I have received so many great letters from people who may not even be planning a ceremony thanking me for doing what I do.  This is special.

BM: As states start to legalize same sex marriage, how has your business been impacted? Have these events changed your plans to grow your business? 

KH: We’ve seen two trends: we’ve seen increases and we’ve seen plateaus. Interesting, right? In the “old days,” we were just about the only game in town so we didn’t have much competition. So, at the time, we would see spikes with each new bit of legislation passing. This was especially true because we were growing as well (as we acquired and re-branded as gayweddings.com). These days, we see even more interest than ever from the media and from clients via site visits, but we are also finding that we are sharing more of the business with new niche sites, which are targeting same-sex couples, and, of course, the larger mainstream sites who are now more openly embracing same-sex couples in their content. So, though we are growing, we are looking at new ways to innovate.

As more states have pass legislation, I would say that the factor that has most impacted the direction of our business (in particular to partner with mainstream leader, WeddingWire.com) is the opportunity to lead this movement even further. In other words, we see an opportunity to help transform the mainstream conversation and we see same-sex couples as just one small part of a much larger mainstream market. Our pioneering expertise helps us to offer clients (couples and vendors) alike more nuanced advice and customer service, but, though we want to continue to serve this niche and serve it well, we want to work toward a day when same-sex couples can just go to any wedding website and find what they need rather than having to rely on LGBT-specific keywords to find services via a limited number of resources.

In some respects, it often feels as though we are putting ourselves out of business. I don’t think this is the case, though, because there is always room for a business which does what it does very well. But it is true that we are certainly inviting and educating the competition to join us in order to advance the larger mainstream conversation.

GH: I never thought of same sex marriage being legalized as necessary for us to have our business be successful from the beginning.  It definitely impacts us as so many are now aware of what they were not before–both gay and straight, and thankfully we are further down the road to having legal marriage.  What I cared about initially was for couples to have the freedom and courage to stand with one another before their family and friends and commit to a life together, publicly declaring their love for each other.  This is transformative.  Kathryn was the first to point this out, and she is right.  This was more important than having a legal seal of approval and is part of what is making legalization a reality today.

BM: What would you characterize your business as? I see so many resources. Are you planners? A Boutique? Something different? Do you think you’ll be changing this model as more states legalize gay marriage? 

KH: It’s so funny you should ask that, because, whenever I have to fill out a form which says what I do for a living or describe what my site is, I generally settle for a close approximation or for the fallback answer, ‘Other.’ The larger category is certainly Wedding Resource and that’s probably the best description of what we do. While we do some planning and consulting, we also spend a lot of time selling products and writing and editing content. If I have a sentence, I say: “We are the leading online boutique and wedding resource dedicated to serving same sex couples since 1999. And, by the way, my straight mom founded the company! How cool is that?”

While I do think we may offer some new options as more states legalize gay marriage, I think it’s probably more accurate to say that we are able to make changes like offering more products, bringing in new partners, and reaching a broader audience, as more folks are willing to have the conversation. At the beginning, we were having to invent everything (or at least that’s what it felt like). It’s not like that anymore, thankfully, so it means that we have the potential to do even more with our content and offerings. Bottom line, our model is to help couples plan their weddings (and help vendors find couples). This has always been the case and, in the future, the main thing that will be changing is that more folks will be able to get a piece of paper from City Hall rather than having to order a customized certificate (with no legal bearing) from our site to commemorate the occasion!

GH: Kathryn addressed this so well from our business perspective, that I cannot add anything else.  I always said from the beginning that we will have gotten our job done when there is no more need for us to be in business offering a safe and non-judgmental place for same sex couples to shop.

I put my energies these days into being an advocate for equal rights for the LGBT community, which, of course, includes the legalization of same sex marriage.

BM: You inspire so many (like us for example!) But, who inspires you?

KH: Thanks! My mom has certainly inspired me. I can’t believe that she started this business in the first place and, now that I’m in it, every single couple who is kind enough to share their pictures and stories with us inspires me. And, both of my grandmothers — and their incredible unconditional love for me and my brother has inspired me. Just about every day I think that I’d like to give as much to the world as I have seen them give to those in their lives. And, finally, I’d say that, in all of this, I feel driven to do my part to make the world a better place for my young son. My hope is that someday soon, he’ll be able to walk me and my partner down the aisle as we make it legal and it will be fun to know that I played a small role in this movement, even if it was a simple as making sure that every couple who wanted one could find a same-sex cake top for their reception!

GH: I am inspired by all the couples who have had the courage to stand up and declare their love in front of their family and friends.  This act is the real game changer!  There are no rules.  There is often a shortage of agreement when this stand is taken.  This makes a difference.  My daughter and her partner inspire me as they have “married” and built a family and lead their lives “boldly” everyday.  Knowing and loving their friends inspire me who have taken similar steps in their lives.

Kathryn has done a tremendous job in taking over the operational reins.  Every time I hear her speak or write inspires me greatly.  She is so articulate and can express what we are about so well.  She encouraged me every step of the way since 1999.  What a very special person she is!  She has always been wise beyond her years.

BM: Lastly, show us your “bold!”

KH: It seems too simple to say that my ‘bold’ comes out every time I’m at a run-of-the-mill Inside the Beltway (that’s DC) event — occasionally with some elected representatives, I might add — and I tell people what I do for a living. It’s become much more fun of late, but I always felt like I was going to have a great conversation or stop it cold (which has happened in the past) when I’ve told someone what I do. It’s funny, because I never really thought about it that way. But, thinking about your site and the topic and your invitation to participate is making me think of this a little differently. I mean, running this business is just what I do. But, it sure is unusual! And, I’ve definitely needed some “bold” to get me through a few patches!

GH: My “bold” is when through my courage of sharing about my daughter and her partner and their wedding (at first with trepidation to say my daughter was marrying another woman), other straight people discover a new freedom to talk about important gay and lesbian friends and family in their lives openly and with the love and acceptance which is in their hearts.  I have always been surprised to find that this freedom to express love was lacking.  The GLBT are not the only ones in the closet, and we all want out! are my answers to your questions.

Bold Resources

Website: 

www.gayweddings.com

Site Feed: 

www.gayweddings.com/rss.xml

Boutique: 

http://shop.gayweddings.com

LGBT-friendly vendor directory (more than 35,000 vendors!):

www.gayweddings.com/wwvendors

Twitter:

@gayweddingscom

Facebook:

www.facebook.com/gayweddings.since1999